Well, it’s Thanksgiving again

It’s that time of year when we kick off the national Sprint of Insanity… the third week of November through year-end. If we could peer into our collective frazzled consciousness right about now, what would we see?

• • I can’t believe I signed up to (fill in the blank).
  • Haven’t ordered our holiday cards yet.
  • Black Friday in two days… time to look at the ads.
  • I really don’t like hanging out with (fill in the blank).
  • What does everyone want for Christmas/Hanukkah/Three Kings Day/Kwanzaa?
  • It’s crazy to spend all this money on stuff.
  • The holidays make me sad.

Why do we do this to ourselves? How much of what we do this time of year really adds to our lives? What are our kids thinking as we run around like crazy people?

It’s a good thing that Thanksgiving comes first. It’s a four-day pause that can serve as an annual reset button. Maybe it’s time for new Thanksgiving traditions. Otherwise it’s too easy for the holidays to be a time when we “busy over” our sadnesses and fill our empty spaces with stuff.

As I write these words, I’m shaking my head. I’m so behind the 8-ball this year that the only thing preventing me from hyperventilating is denial. But my oldest is almost 15 and I’m realizing that we have four more Thanksgivings before he’s off to college, with his younger brother not far behind. Breathing deeply, I started looking for inspiration…

Giving makes us happy (and sane)

It has become a cliche but it’s true. There’s a ton of research that giving makes us feel really good. Not only does it lower stress and improve our health, but it helps us through hard times.

Michele Dillon and Paul Wink’s book, In the Course of a Lifetime, explains the findings of a long-running study about what constitutes a happy life. From a 2007 article in The Optimist that’s also reprinted here:

The protective effect of giving on mental and physical health buffers an entire lifetime. Wink found that teens who scored high on generativity [ability to give to others] in high school were healthier and happier half a century later. “There was a strong correlation with mental health in particular.”

Gratitude begins with generosity. My wise and loving soul sis, Cornelia Mazzan, just shared this quote from David Whyte’s book Consciousness: The Solace, Nourishment, and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words with me:

Thankfulness finds its full measure in generosity of presence, both through participation and witness. We sit at the table as part of every other person’s world while making our own world without will or effort, this is what is extraordinary and gifted, this is the essence of gratefulness, seeing to the heart of privilege. Thanksgiving happens when our sense of presence meets all other presences. Being unappreciative might mean we are simply not paying attention.

In this spirit, I want to give you a couple of things and ask you for a couple of things, too.

Gift #1: Read at Thanksgiving dinner, it’s cool

Cultural visionary and best-selling author Seth Godin created The Thanksgiving Reader that he’s sharing with us all. It’s a free PDF that’s filled with soulful prayers, beautiful poetry, and inspiring stories. I uploaded it here just in case the above links aren’t working.

It’s amazing and I want you to have it, too. You can share some or all of it, alongside your own traditions. Godin’s idea is that millions of people all over the world will take 10 to 15 minutes to read aloud together, thinking about the same issues, and reflecting on the meaning of the holiday. It’s a chance to celebrate gratitude and start talking about things that matter… a conscious Thanksgiving.

What do you think?

Gift #2: Permission to protect your light

Sometimes we need someone else to state the obvious… and to give us permission to stop the self-flagellation. Here it is.

Stop spending time with people who drive you nuts… anytime and definitely during the holidays.

My sister recently texted me something so profound that I had to share it with you:

If you enter a war zone, even if you are aware and mindful in your spiritual process, you’re still going to jump when a bomb explodes. We’re humans not super heroes. We must take care of our light. We must go where there is light, where our light is nourished.

Darkness doesn’t exist; it is just an absence of light. Light can exist in darkness only insofar as the darkness doesn’t convince it of the illusion. So we must radiate light but we must not go into darkness to change it. 

Not only do you not get any special martyrdom points for enduring the people who treat you badly and challenge you right out of your centeredness, but you are actually participating in and therefore perpetuating the darkness. It helps no one, least of all you.

And you need to protect all your light because you hold the vibration for your family.

Ask #1: Your best ideas

Here are some musings… but I learn best from all of you. There’s no match for the Wisdom of Crowds. So tell me, what are you doing differently this holiday?

NEW TRADITIONS?

Kelly Brogan is kicking Santa to the curb and inventing meaningful new traditions for her young daughters.

GET OUT OF DODGE?

We have friends who go to DC every Thanksgiving. There are no crowds so hotels are cheap and the museums are more enjoyable (yes, they’re open!). They get out of their routine, The Hyatt has an amazing Thanksgiving buffet so no cooking. They hit the road Wednesday afternoon and return Saturday with a full day to catch up. Genius. We joined them a couple years ago and had a ball.

DITCH THE STUFF?

I’m trying really hard to stop the inflow and throw things out. It’s hard. I know that getting rid of outgrown attachments, emotional habits, and dusty, self-imposed obligations (scrapbook supplies!) will create space for the things I want in my life. So why are we buying, hoarding, organizing, cleaning, storing, and digging through so much stuff? I know I’m not alone. There’s a blockbuster international best-selling book called The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up that basically tells you to throw it all out unless it brings you total and pure joy. It’s a kind of unrealistic “house porn” that we’re all lusting after. Ugh. As we figure it out for ourselves, we could teach our kids how to do this, too.

Ask #2: Support our work

Please include Fearless Parent in your year-end giving plans. Gifts are tax-deductible because we’re a project of the non-profit Center for Personal Rights. Since giving is so beneficial, we’d love to make you happy 🙂  — Here are some ways to support us:

• • Make a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal
  • Write a check and see if your company will match it
  • Shop through our Amazon Smile account and .5% of your purchases go to us
  • Buy a discounted case of Vaccine Epidemic books for wedding and baby gifts (and leave some in your car so you can grab one after having the “V talk” with your dental hygienist or the hip chick who cuts your hair)
  • Tell your family and friends about us

Thank you.

***

A happy thought for us all this Thanksgiving… Here’s to the people we truly cherish and bless the ground they walk on because this world just wouldn’t be the same without them in it… Here’s to a chunk of time with space away from work, school, other pressures to exhale and have a different experience, and… Here’s to deep gratitude for the abundance in our lives; the spiritual and material blessings that fall from the sky into our laps; and the God-given gifts and talents that allow us to earn a living, teach our kids, and touch other people’s lives.

love,
louise ❤️

Louise Kuo Habakus is the founding director of Fearless Parent™, lead host and producer of Fearless Parent Radio, and mom of two. She is a published author and runs two non-profits: Center for Personal Rights and Health Freedom Action. Louise lectures widely and has appeared in numerous media outlets, including ABC World News Tonight, Fox & Friends, and The New York Times. She was a Bain consultant and a C-level executive in the financial services industry. Louise holds two degrees from Stanford University.