When my boys were ready, I didn’t focus on a wide range of school choices. I had preconceived notions about the kind of place they should attend. These ideas were shaped by my own experience.

My father worked for IBM. We moved a lot, and I attended many kinds of schools (public, private, boarding, alternative) in different countries (US, Kuwait, Japan, France) and environments (big cities, suburbs, little towns).

Some of these schools are prestigious. I share this, not to brag but to make a very different, important point.

Did my “success” create blinders?

My educational experience may actually have hindered my ability to make good choices for my children.

I cared more about what was considered “best” in other people’s eyes. I didn’t stop to think about what made sense for us.

These were the criteria I used to select their school:

• • Emphasis on academics
  • Small classroom sizes
  • Quality of infrastructure
  • Placement of graduates

Basically, I wanted an advanced curriculum (at least one year ahead), a low student to teacher ratio, pretty buildings and landscaping, fancy technology, and a high-status list of high schools and colleges admitting its graduates.

I got everything on my list, and a whole lot more that I didn’t want. Our experience was eye-opening and ended badly. Did I mention that it took me six years to figure out that their old school wasn’t the place for us, and a big, catalyzing event, to finally walk out the door?

I told them: “You don’t get to have my son anymore!” And I homeschooled him for two months. [More on that in a future post.]

Today, my children attend an alternative primary school for 50 children in three multi-aged classrooms. Its infrastructure is modest in every sense of the word.

And the school is… brilliant.

Let me restate. It’s brilliant for us. It’s a close-knit community of gifted teachers and conscious parents. The school prioritizes what I believe my children need most at this stage in their lives. And there are moments of magic and inspiration.

Our decision to attend this school was a true leap of faith, and the experience has been humbling and enlightening. I never imagined that a school with so little could accomplish so much.

I wish I knew then what I know now.

Here’s my list of “mistakes”

• • I rejected options before I understood them.

• • I should’ve cast a wider net when soliciting advice. People naturally want us to validate their values and decisions. Their “best place” may not the best place for my children.

• • I didn’t evaluate how my children learn and what they needed. I was more concerned about advanced math, and reading before kindergarten. It should’ve occurred to me to question what kind of school offers a 15 minute recess and 20 minutes for lunch.

• • I chose too quickly because I found the decision making process stressful.

• • I didn’t pay attention to its philosophy of education, so we ended up with a school that emphasized textbook instruction and rote memorization over discovery, hands-on, experiential, and collaborative learning.

• • I didn’t prioritize. No school can do it all. It’s already significant to find a place that does “the thing that is most important to me” well.

• • Some things are easy to supplement outside of school. I should’ve cared more about the things that are difficult to create on our own.

• • I wish I had reflected on the reasons that I didn’t feel comfortable within the broader school community. It’s not enough that my child seems happy. School selection is a family decision. It’s important for me to fit in, too.

• • I assumed it’d be easy to leave if we weren’t happy. I underestimated the huge barriers to exiting, including friends, inertia, habit, and fear of the unknown.

When my oldest says, “I’ll only get four years at The New School, and Nick will get seven!” it makes me smile. Yes, I do wish we had made the move earlier. But our mistakes can also make us grateful for what we have.

Louise Kuo Habakus is a wife, mom, and writer. She’s happy that her boys are looking forward to the start of school.