In response to New Jersey Senate President Stephen Sweeney’s vow to get S2173 passed today, The People of the Garden State roared, “You didn’t hear us? We said no and we mean it.” Surpassing last month’s unprecedented protest, many thousands crammed into Trenton in force and fiercely stood watch over both legislative houses all day long to remind lawmakers they work for us.

Scrambling all day for that missing vote, Sweeney was forced to concede. Not today either, Mr. S, not today. In a reprise of December 16, 2019, Groundhog Day came early to Trenton, New Jersey.

S2173 was pulled yet again.

Here are my key takeaways of recent events and what is needed to play the long game. Click here if you’d like to go straight to the photos.

#1: Keep showing our numbers — it matters

Our numbers give legislators who want to support us political air cover — “It’s what my people want.” And it makes the others nervous — “I could get voted out.” Self-preservation is always in vogue. They want to keep their seats.

There are two forms of currency in politics: money and people. You know which one we have. The bombardment of letters and emails and phone calls are important, however… until we show our numbers, politicians will follow the money. Apathy and silence reward the special interests every time.

But consistently deliver a mass of voting humanity on an issue on a dime when a bill is moving? Do it and watch lawmakers turn to the thronging horde like flowers to the sun. The bigger the crowds, the more quickly it will yield the fullness of its political bounty.

Over the past month and on very short notice, large crowds gathered in Trenton on December 16 and January 6, 9, and 13 and on my front lawn on December 21 (more on that one below). People moved mountains to be there — they took vacation days, hired babysitters, made signs, drove long distances, and so much more. For every person that showed up, politicians know that orders of magnitude more voters weren’t able to make it. And it’s doubly hard in the middle of winter.

We have their attention.

#2: They need to hear from us privately, too

Parents didn’t just gather together in big groups. They worked very hard on their own. And, while these activities shouldn’t be discounted, they didn’t merely click a button to send an email or cut and paste some text to write a letter. They networked hard, leaning on friends and connections and calling in chits to reach key legislators.

State politics is more intimate. In a state like New Jersey, so many people have lived here for generations and they fight to stay because of friends and family. Our legislators live in our neighborhoods. We grew up with them. Our kids go to the same schools. With a couple of degrees of separation, we’re connected.

I’ve been privy to some of the many conversations and meetings that took place between constituents and their representatives. They were earnest, heart rending, and articulate. By taking the time to meet with our legislators, we let them hear the real life, flesh and blood stories behind the numbers.

We remind them why many of them entered politics in the first place — to help people.

#3: When the MIA dads show up, they carry weight

Long accustomed to hearing from the moms, they are increasingly hearing from a whole lot of dads. And the guys didn’t pull their punches — whether involved in building local infrastructure, active in their communities, savvy businessmen, top tax bracket earners, long-time residents — they explained in clear language how a private kind of persecution is turning into a big political problem.

For years, I’ve heard legislators dismiss dedicated moms as hysterical and crazy. Angry dads cut through. Man to man, they speak a different language and, like it or not, it hits different receptors.

This issue affects families. Legislators need to hear from the dads, too.

#4: Are you speaking with your neighbors?

Strength in numbers feels safe. A private letter or a quiet meeting may feel somewhat safe, too. And social media allows us to self-select into groups that agree with us.

There’s another kind of advocacy. Are you speaking with your neighbors? How about the school moms or friends in your book club or Bible study? Now is the perfect time. Heck, The New York Times actually covered our protest in Trenton today and, big surprise, gave us the last word with the right message:

Alison Drzymkowski of Point Pleasant, who was in Trenton on Monday and last month to rally against the bill, said she was “hesitantly excited” that it had not passed.

“Not overjoyed, because it’s not gone for good,” said Ms. Drzymkowski, 31, who has two children. “But I feel really proud that I was able to assemble with people and fight for our rights, and legislators listened.” 

Legislators live in our communities and they have neighbors. One of them might be you. How about a peaceful party on your front lawn?

I will admit that it isn’t easy and your neighbors might not like it. I have a half-finished post with amazing photos from my December 21 party that I’ve hesitated in publishing (should I?). My neighbor, Governor Murphy, likely feels that I stepped over the line. I so wish he would’ve taken a few minutes to stop by and say hello — a more lovely and gentle group of families he’d be challenged to meet. The children would’ve melted his heart. In his silence, he did tell us what we needed to know.

Social change does not come easily. For those of us who are able, the willingness to be uncomfortable helps to give a voice to those who cannot speak out. If you choose to do so, please be respectful and thoughtful. The media has taught people to be afraid of us.

Let them always see the very best of us.

#5: A voting bloc organizes for political influence

You know the frustration we have that politicians who seem to understand the issue don’t seem very brave? The ones who say one thing in a meeting and then vote another way, for example. Well, they have a similar complaint of us. They tell us to organize like we mean business. In other words, you do your job and we’ll do ours.

It’s not enough to show up. To be taken seriously, we need to become a voting bloc:

A voting bloc is a group of voters that are strongly motivated by a specific common concern or group of concerns to the point that such specific concerns tend to dominate their voting patterns, causing them to vote together in elections. 

In just two days, over 150 dads in one legislative district organized to tell a state senator if he votes YES, they will work to get him out. Imagine if this happened in every district.

Grassroots political organizing works.

#6: Celebrity activism is no substitute for political organizing

To be clear, when I speak of grassroots organizing, I’m not talking about celebrity activism. While we have gratitude and affection for the national groups that promote the most vocal and visible advocates, and there’s understandably a great temptation to have them ride in on white horses to carry the day for us…

We must not delegate the job to them. Here’s why.

The mainstream does not know and love them like you do. The language spoken inside our movement — which draws the choir like bees to honey — is not the same language required to reach people who do not yet understand our issue. We have been here before. If an individual is discredited for any reason, or has crossed over a line into space that is perceived as polarized or fringe, it can be very challenging, if not impossible, to claim more moderate ground.

Please don’t misunderstand me. They’ve made and are making great contributions. Many different groups working side by side can be very effective. There’s a role for everyone. Especially you.

#7: It’s not done yet and it’s going to get ugly

With understandable exuberance, some are claiming that the bill was killed and we won. The bill was not killed. There was no vote. S2173 was pulled. It will resurface with a new head of steam, you can count on it. People worked incredibly hard and deserve so much credit — today should be celebrated for sure. We’ve had a couple of great innings. Team NJ is looking good. We are learning to play the long game. This legislative session ain’t over ’til it’s over. And the next one will be fast on its heels.

I won’t add much more here except to say that it’s darkest before dawn and we should expect the unexpected. While we may hold ourselves to a certain standard of integrity and fair play, we shouldn’t be surprised… by anything. As if we couldn’t tell, they want to pass this one real bad.

We’re doing amazing things. But we’re not done. Be vigilant.

[1/14/20: Because we are paying very close attention, we are seeing things that used to happen without our knowledge. Did you know that campaign money is promised from Super PACs to legislators who play ball and do powerbrokers’ bidding? And just in, a steadfast Senator was punished for his unwillingness to vote YES on S2173 — he lost a Committee spot and leadership money. Keep watching — more will crawl to the surface. And if you’re able, please contribute to the campaigns of legislators who are holding the line and refusing to be bought.]

#8: Looking for a hero? Look in the mirror

Just remember, you live here. This is your family’s home. The stakes couldn’t be higher. Keep your eye on the ball.

I know that nearly all of us want this to “be done” so we can go back to living our lives and taking care of our families. The truth is, no matter whether S2173 passes or dies, this issue is nowhere close to being “done.” These are zombie bills and they’ll keep coming back to life until a critical mass of people are educated and a tipping point occurs. Different voices are required to reach different constituencies.

For those of you who are businesspeople, you understand that business is… well, serious business. It’s hard work. It may seem flashy and easy on the surface, but it’s brutally demanding behind the scenes. It requires hiring professionals with demonstrated track records (not just volunteers) and building dedicated competencies and infrastructure.

For over a decade, during the years that the New Jersey legislature advanced similar bills to S2173, I’ve watched large numbers of us gather in Trenton and then dissipate. Unless we do something different, it will happen again. If we’re looking for heroes, we must find them in our ranks. Everyday heroes with the skill sets needed to get this job done. The men and women who will run for office and those who will help them get elected. The professionals and business people who understand competitive market realities and how things get done. Please get involved with your time and expertise. You know what they say about needing something done right. There is no substitute for you.

Congratulations, New Jersey. You’ve worked so hard, for many years now. You’ve been brave. And you’re being heard.

#jerseystrong #NJstandsfor #NoJoke #sograteful #keepgoing

Photos

WIth the exception of the drone photo from Natalia McElroy, the following photos were taken by my talented friend, Biliana Coleman. (c) Bilimama Photography and Fearless Parent. Please do not use without permission.