Many grow up with the fairy tale stories of growing up, getting married, having a great job, and living happily ever after. Somewhere in that book I think there were some missing pages or chapters.

We have our various religions and cultural norms that attempt to dictate our path. But what if some of those stories are not hard and fast rules to live by, perhaps just suggestions, metaphors, and insights from someone else’s journey?

What if you get married and end up in an abusive relationship, your spouse cheats on you, or you find that you are just not compatible anymore?

What if you get married and for whatever reason at any point in time the marriage does not serve you, your partner, or your family well?

Do you stay in the relationship for fear, security, attachment, ego, or other reasons, or do you step outside of your comfort zone and create conscious change that serves everyone well, without the drama?

All our relationships are love lessons.

We are individuals having this life experience, not one exactly the same. There is an extremely high divorce rate and many theories as to why, but this is about handling a stressful transition in a new light, especially when children are involved.

Say you have gone to therapy and there is no positive change, how long will you continue? These are personal choices that many have to face, and live with.

I was never going to get a divorce.

Never say never.

I met my husband when I was 17. We got married when I was 26 and we started having children 7 years later. He is a kind man and a great father. We had our issues, attempted to address them, but it was clear that our paths were taking us in different directions. We were both in denial for a long time. Although we love and care for each other, there was a knowing that a change was in order.

Deep sigh.

Lots of tears.

Change is hard.

It’s growth.

We loved each other enough to be honest and walk through this change together in the most compassionate way we could and keep it as stress-free as possible for us and our children.

We’ve kept our promise to each other, but not in the way the church or state may interpret it. We are writing a different story. One that honors our truth and our children.

We have our own agreement, we will file in our own time. We have been separated for a year and although it’s been challenging on many levels, we are allowing the dust to settle and time to heal. We take it day by day. Nothing is forever, change is a constant, yet in this instance what will not change is that we are parents to two amazing kids who know they have parents who care for them and will take care of them no matter what.

It’s still a team effort, not a competition. All the other logistics, details, and paperwork will happen. We do not need expensive lawyers, we do not need to go to court. The children see that even though their parents do not live together, each parent models what it means to be a compassionate human being in the season of change. This is not the ‘norm’ and I have certainly had my fair share of unsolicited advice, but it works in the new framework in our ‘family.’

My hope is that everyone keeps a commitment to themselves and each other, to be honest, loving and kind no matter where the road takes you. The kids are our future, they need good examples.

We can write a new story and create a conscious change.

Cassandra Alls is a mother of two, Holistic Health Practitioner, writer, and activist who is fearlessly passionate about the overall happiness and wellness for all.